Fumbling Towards a First Step
by Mutant-Enemy-730
Summary: Callica one-shot. The first step into a possible relationship comes with stumbles, word jumbles and wine. Written before Season 5 began airing.


Just a one-shot I had in my head after the season 4 finale.  
Timeframe- immediately post- Freedom.  
Spoilers- none, unless you haven't seen season 4 yet.  
Disclaimer- None of the characters are mine, I take no credit for them.

--

Callie stared at the napkin holder on the table, her concentration less from awkwardness and more out of a need to focus on something that she could control

Callie stared at the napkin holder on the table, her concentration less from awkwardness and more out of a need to focus on something that she could control. Napkins didn't make her want to be pushed up against a wall and kissed until she couldn't breathe. Napkins were safe.

Her concentration was broken when the wine glass was placed in front of her. No words were spoken, but questions were raised as Callie's gaze ticked from the napkin holder to Erica's far from safe blue eyes. In milliseconds, Callie felt nerves build up and knot within her stomach as the blonde woman's brows crinkled into an expression somewhere between worry and confusion. They hadn't spoken upon entering Erica's house. They hadn't spoken the entire ride to it. They hadn't spoken since Erica asked Callie if she wanted to talk at her place, to which Callie nodded mutely.

In fact, the last thing Callie had said was that she wanted to say something to Erica. _Irony is an annoying thing._ Callie dropped her eyes from Erica's and picked up the glass, taking a long gulp of the full-bodied wine, her eyes shutting as she enjoyed the bitter taste slipping down her throat. Placing the glass back on the table, Callie unconsciously licked her lips, and opened her eyes, catching Hahn's eyes dropping to her mouth, following the quick moving muscle as it cleared her lips of the red wine.

Blushing slightly at being caught, Hahn shifted in her seat and took a sip from her own glass of wine, her eyes never leaving Callie's. Callie waited out Erica, waiting as she swallowed and placed the glass back on the table. _Fuck, someone's gotta…_

"This is insane," Callie broke out of her thoughts, the sentence put out without a thought, and Callie instantly wished she could have chosen a better phrasing.

Hahn quirked an eyebrow and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms on her chest, "Is it?"

Callie sighed, her eyes fluttering shut. Opening them, "I didn't mean like…I meant… God I don't know what I meant."

Callie sighed again and pushed back her chair, standing, needing to move. Moving helped her focus, and right now, she needed to focus and not be thinking about _Erica pressing her body against mine as I slide my hand along…_Callie ran her hand through her hair, having taken it down in the car to fidget with it nervously. Turning her back to Erica, Callie felt the surgeon's gaze watching her, as if mapping her body, _for future reference?_

Callie heard Erica clear her throat behind her and spun around, "I'm sorry, I didn't plan this out… at all. I didn't think…"

"It's okay Callie," Erica soothed, uncrossing her arms and leaning forward, placing her elbows on her thighs, "I'm not trying to make this hard by not saying anything."

"I know," Callie nodded, silencing Erica. Opening her mouth, Callie found she couldn't think of what to say next and began to pace, feeling Erica's gaze follow her every move. Coming to a stop to Erica's right, Callie glanced over her shoulder and spoke with a shake of her head, "Nine hours in surgery, and I still couldn't take my eyes off of you. Mark was right."

"Right about what?" Erica asked, her voice conveying a mixture of displeasure about the mention of Sloan and surprise at Callie's revelation.

"You were all I could think about all day, cement encased boy not-withstanding," Callie sighed and turned to pace some more, falling silent, not wanting to expose herself anymore, _C'mon Erica, give me something._

As if reading her thoughts, Erica swallowed and dropped her gaze to the floor before murmuring, "I know what you mean."

Callie halted mid-step, quickly dropping her foot to regain her balance, causing Erica to whip her head up quickly at the stumbling movements.

"Really?" Callie asked incredulously after attempting to regain some dignity from her stumble.

Erica leaned back in her chair and took another sip from the glass, "I couldn't stop thinking about you last night."

Callie ticked her gaze off of Erica, her memory flipping back to the still tangible memory of Erica kissing her in the elevator in front of Mark. Swallowing, Callie felt the heat rise on her neck, and knew she was blushing from the memory. Even though that entire night was spent with Mark, Callie had to admit both to herself and to Erica, "Neither could I."

Hearing Erica snort, Callie looked back at the blonde, "You spent the entire night with Sloan, and you expect me to believe that?"

Callie tilted her head, knowing the topic would be brought up, "It's fucked up, I know, but…" Callie stopped, her excuse failing her. Trying a different tack, "This is new, and I'm scared. I reacted with what I knew. What was safe."

Erica shook her head and stood up, "The man has slept with practically every nurse in the hospital, how the hell is that safe?"

Callie shut her eyes and turned, the fight gone from her. As her shoulders sagged, Callie felt her eyes burning, and bit her lip to fight back the tears. Crossing her arms, Callie didn't hear Erica moved towards her.

"I'm sorry, I had no right…" Her voice was close, _too close_, and Callie spun around, her face inches from Erica's.

Dropping her gaze to Erica's mouth, Callie swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and forced her eyes to look back at Erica, "No, you're right. It's just, this," Callie gestured between them, "Whatever it is, is new for me."

"Would it help if I told you that this has never happened to me with a coworker before?" Erica replied, smirking softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Callie laughed, feeling herself relax, "Not really, but thanks for trying."

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, where neither moved closer nor further away, growing used to the new closeness.

"You've never been attracted to a woman before, and this scares you," Erica stated quietly, shifting imperceptibly closer.

"There's that," Callie replied, shifting her feet, "But it's just a piece. Mark's… easy. He's there and he's… easy. I don't expect anything from him; I don't want anything from him, except…"

"I get the picture," Erica cut in abruptly.

"Yeah. With him it's not about much more than sexual chemistry. With you though…" Callie sighed, dropping her head, "It's so much more."

It was said in a whisper, but Callie knew Erica heard her, the hand that came to rest on her arm told her that much. The finger that came under her chin to lift her face up told her Erica understood her perfectly.

When Erica leaned in and gently brushed her lips across Callie's mouth, Callie knew that Erica agreed with her. Covering her mouth with her own, Erica pulled Callie closer, and Callie succumbed with a soft sigh, lifting her hands to tangle in Erica's hair. The kiss was about reassurance; this was more to both of them. Soft kisses melded together, desires being stoked, but not yet addressed. Ending the kiss, Erica sucked Callie's full bottom lip into her mouth and pulled away slowly. Callie knew Erica felt the shudder that raced down her spine when a knowing smile appeared on her face.

"Wow," Callie murmured, her eyes flicking up to Erica's, which had taken on a darker hue.

"Yeah," Erica breathed, and took a step back, in an attempt to refocus.

Callie licked her lips before consciously forcing herself to remember the whole point behind her being there, "We still haven't really talked."

"I know; I wasn't trying to distract you…" Erica began, only to stop when Callie held up a hand, waving off the apology.

"Don't apologize for kissing me," Callie stated, then after a pause, looked Erica hard in the eye, "Ever."

Erica allowed the corners of her mouth to twitch upwards, but remained serious other wise.

"You've been with women before," Callie stated bluntly. Off of Erica's surprised nod, Callie continued, "I haven't. I'm gonna be scared, hell I'm scared now. I've been scared all day of admitting that I'm attracted to you."

Erica pursed her lips and leaned on one foot, her hip jutting slightly on the relaxed leg, "Is this because I'm a woman?"

Callie sighed and ran her hand through her hair, tousling it in the process, "I don't know, partially, I think," Callie shook her head and moved off to pace a few steps away and leaned back against the counter, resting her elbows on it, "It is partly because you're a woman, partly…"

Callie trailed off, gulping down the revelation, a sudden fear of being hurt taking over. Biting her lip in fear, Callie furrowed her brow in worry and tore her gaze from Erica's worried one, looking at the various magnets on the refrigerator door. Callie refused to look over at Erica, even as she moved, again closing the space between them. Standing in front of Callie, but out of her personal space, Erica crossed her arms over her chest.

"What, Callie?" Erica asked, her serious tone not fully covering the hint of curiosity.

Callie flicked her gaze up to Erica and sighed, "I haven't been so into someone like this since George."

"Into?" Erica asked, and Callie tensed at the unintentional chiding of her word choice.

Frustrated at having her statement made light, Callie burst out, "When all I can think about during the day is you, when your mere proximity makes my stomach flip, when I get upset if I don't see you at least once during the day… those things? I haven't been like that since George. So, don't make fun of it Erica unless…"

"I'm sorry," Erica quieted Callie, placing a hand on either of Callie's upper arms, "I didn't mean to upset you."

Callie snorted, "It's just, I'm laying my feelings out, and I'm scared here, because you're not saying anything."

Erica pulled back slowly and nodded silently. Callie waited, watching as the blonde looked to her left, out the windows over the table, as if forming her words carefully.

"I don't make friends easily, and I don't fall into relationships half-heartedly either. When I commit to something, it's all in," Erica stated slowly, her gaze returning to Callie.

"I'm not asking for a ring, Erica. I'm just asking to know your feelings so I'm not grappling in the dark," Callie replied softly.

Erica sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, swallowing audibly, and Callie knew she was searching for the right words. _Oh please don't tell me I'm alone in this._

"I'm a renowned cardiothoracic surgeon; my life, more often than not, revolves around the very sterile and surgical world of medicine. Outside of that world," Erica trailed off, and Callie shook her head, knowing the world of surgeons well.

"I didn't enter into our friendship looking for anything romantic," Erica began again, and Callie brought her gaze back to the blonde woman, "When you began seeing Mark…"

"Whoa, whoa, I'm not seeing Mark," Callie broke in, a nervous grin spreading across her face.

Erica arched an eyebrow, "But you are screwing him."

Callie's smile vanished, "Not anymore."

Erica opened her mouth and nodded, "Well, regardless, it was probably sometime around when Addison came to Seattle Grace that I began to notice that I felt something more than friendship."

Callie watched as Erica began to pace, her eyes glued to the floor, "But you scurried off to Mark, as if, what, to prove that you were straight? Or show me that you were?"

Callie swallowed, reddening at the angry undertones.

"Whatever it was, I backed off, because I didn't want to mess up our friendship, which I would take any day to nothing with you," Erica stopped, and turned to look at Callie, whose mouth had opened into an 'O'.

"Erica, I didn't mean…"

Erica waved a hand, silencing Callie, "It doesn't matter. It happened. You were scared."

"I still am," Callie replied quietly.

"Aren't we all?" Erica commented, tilting her head, a soft smile appearing briefly on her face.

"So what now?" Callie asked, shifting her weight.

"Dinner?"

"Huh? It's like, one a.m. Erica," Callie furrowed her brow, confused.

"No, would you like to go to dinner?" Erica elaborated. When Callie's confusion didn't dissipate, "With me."

"Oh!" Callie raised her brows, "You mean, as in a date?"

Erica smirked, "Yeah."

Callie smiled, "Yeah, I would."

_fin_


End file.
